When there is friction in a relationship, it is generally because each has very different views or values relating to a situation. It can be very difficult for one partner to really understand the other's point of view. This relationship worksheet helps to promote understanding and reach an agreement or compromise.
Ideally, both partners complete their own worksheet, before they discuss things together, coming up with an agreement or compromise, and perhaps an action plan if required.
If only one partner is willing to do this exercise, then one partner can complete their own information, and then write their partner's information, trying to imagine how it REALLY is or could be for them.
Situation or Concern
Sad, hurt, angry, anxious, scared, irritable, frustrated etc. Rate intensity 0 - 100%.
What do/did I feel in my body, where?
Thoughts and Images
What went through my mind at that time, or just before I started feeling that way? What did that mean or say about me or them? What's the worst thing about that? How do you think this affects your relationship?
What I did - or what I'd like to do
What I noticed about them (keep to facts - what you ACTUALLY saw rather than your interpretation of what you saw)
How they looked - their posture, facial expression, voice, eyes, movement etc.
Once each of the partners have completed their information, set some time aside to talk things through, when things have calmed down and you are both able to talk without getting too emotional.
Each partner reads the other's information to promote understanding. Then discuss the issue together and come up with an agreement, compromise or action plan.
Suggestions for discussion:
What actually happened? Look at both columns together.
Reach an agreement and make an action plan: complete the bottom box or use a separate sheet.
Consider how you both could have thought differently at the time.
Was one or both of us:
Consider how one or both of you could have done things differently.
Agree on what each of you will do next time in a similar situation or concern.
What would help most? What would be most effective?